About 4 months ago I started my first real big girl job. A career that I did not go to school for (I guess changing my major four times wasn’t enough). But really, I can’t complain: nine to five, Monday through Friday, five days a week. It’s a routine. And I love routine. I like order. I like plans. I like that the Dunkin Donuts guy knows how I take my coffee every morning. I like knowing exactly what my day is going to consist of. I gave up lying to people about my ability to just “go with the flow,” because I can’t… at all. In fact, the unknown terrifies me. It can actually make me nauseous. I think it goes back to being a product of divorce. Back and forth and back and forth. When I finally felt comfortable at one house, it was time to leave and go back to the other one. When I finally stopped crying over leaving my dad, it was time for him to pick me up again. That is just how it went, for a very long time.

I’m starting to get comfortable in my new job. The dust is settling and I am aware of my surroundings again (I tend to go all-in, head first when faced with a new endeavor). But you would think that this would be a good thing, right? For someone who likes being comfortable? Well the thing is, I’m realizing that I don’t want to just be comfortable. I want to challenge myself. I want to take (small) risks. I want to grow. So I started thinking. Hard. What do I like to do that is completely out of my comfort zone? And then it hit me: write.

I did a lot of writing in high school, and a bit in college. My family has always encouraged me to write but fear got in the way. I was scared that other people might find out my true thoughts and feelings. Honesty is TERRIFYING and completely dangerous for your typical people pleaser (me). I’m still scared to write. Scared that people won’t care enough to read what I have to say (and they probably won’t). Scared that people will think I am inadequate. Scared that people will think I am vulnerable. But I have decided that I am going to write anyway. I am going to write about getting uncomfortable. About my relationships, my likes, dislikes, my fears (and trust me, there are a lot of those).

A little bit about me:

• I overthink everything
• I am in love with the most amazing man in the world
• I come from an intense dysfunctional family (and I wouldn’t have it any other way)
• Fear has been a controlling force throughout most of my life
• I have a deep love for the New York Giants
• And the New York Yankees
• Baseball will never be the same for me without Derek Jeter
• My dad is the most influential person in my life
• Followed by my sister
• I suffer from severe separation anxiety when leaving my dog
• I miss being in school
• I love doing jigsaw puzzles
• I care too much about what other people think
• My favorite part about Catholic school was wearing a uniform everyday for twelve years (shocker)
• I am terrified of any amount of change
• I can name every state capital
• I forget to breathe every day
• The only way I grow is by stepping out of my comfort zone (and getting really uncomfortable)

So here I am doing a thing. A thing that is completely out of my comfort zone. But being comfortable is totally overrated, right?